How To Do Hard Things: 4 Strategies to Implement TODAY

Episode #337 How To Do Hard Things: 4 Strategies to Implement TODAY

THE FIRST STEP IS OFTEN THE HARDEST

I’ve been reading an excellent book by David Goggins, titled Can’t Hurt Me. It’s a high impact journey into the mind of a man who overcame devastating childhood adversity to become an icon in the US military, and one of the greatest endurance athletes on the planet.

Goggins has a unique authenticity. As I read his book, I felt as though I was seeing into his soul – not so much because it’s elegantly written, but more because… it isn’t!

It’s raw.

Goggins says that most of us only tap into 40% of our capabilities. In my experience, this is a life principle that applies just as much to business and leadership as it does to feats of physical endurance. Becoming a better leader starts by accepting this principle, and choosing to do what it takes to tap into your unexplored upside – that 60% that most people never use.

I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I’m going to say it anyway: If you want to access your untapped potential, you’ll have to do some things that you probably don’t want to do. Success, in anything, relies on your ability to develop the habits and disciplines that enable you to perform at your best

Often, the most difficult step is the first. Breaking through the inertia and pushing yourself to start something hard can be daunting. If you’re anything like most people, there’s probably a key area of leadership that you’ve been struggling with – or even worse not struggling with, because you’ve decided to avoid it, and then convince yourself of all the reasons that you didn’t need to do it in the first place!

As you read this newsletter, I’d like to make a bargain with you.

My part of the bargain is that I’m going to give you a super practical how-to guide to help you – both the psychological tools and the step-by-step processes that you can use to confidently take that first critical step.

Your part of the bargain is this: I want you to commit to digging deep. Be honest with yourself about the thing that you know deep down you’ve been avoiding, so that you can take that first critical step.

I begin with a brief overview of the psychology of motivation and reward, courtesy of David Goggins and Dr. Andrew Huberman. Then, I’m going to step you through four common scenarios – things that leaders typically avoid – giving you the roadmap and the tools that you need for each one, in order to take the first critical step towards success.

HARD THINGS ARE HARD

The human mind is a complex thing. We all struggle at times to find the motivation we need to persist in our quest for excellence. The only way I’ve ever found to overcome this inertia is just to take a deep breath and to force myself to spring into action.

As Emma, the CEO of our business often says, “F$#* my mood – follow the plan!”

This is reminiscent of David Goggins’ life philosophy. He communicates in a way that makes No Bulllsh!t Leadership look positively G-rated. When he talks, it doesn’t feel as though he’s exhorting us to act, but more like he’s giving us a rationale for what makes him tick.

His sayings include things like:

• “Friction is growth”;

• “I don’t stop when I’m tired; I stop when I’m done”;

• “We all know exactly what to do, but doing it sucks”;

• “The only way to silence the negative voice in your head is to outwork it”; and

• “There are no hacks; it’s just you against you”.

And I thought I was no bullsh!t!?

I managed to find an old interview he did with Dr. Andrew Huberman, who’s probably the most famous scientist in the world, courtesy of his podcast, Huberman Lab.

Huberman has studied the research that establishes links between hard work, resilience, longevity, and happiness, which he outlines in his episode, How to Increase Your Willpower and Tenacity. It was here for the first time that I learned about the part of the human brain known as the Anterior Mid-Cingulate Cortex, or AMCC.

The neuroscience research on willpower shows that our AMCC is a key hub for leaning into what Huberman calls “undesired effort”. It’s activated by engaging in behaviors that you don’t want to do. You can increase the size of your AMCC – and thus strengthen your willpower – by regularly doing undesired things that are hard.

Growth occurs when you do things that you don’t want to do.

I’ve long held the anecdotal conviction that all self-esteem comes from achieving difficult things. Now, I have a scientific basis for that… the anterior mid-cingulate cortex, no less! But it doesn’t matter how well we understand any of this intellectually, starting any new discipline is incredibly hard.

WHY DO WE RESIST STARTING?

We know that the minute we start, we open ourselves up to potentially negative outcomes. And, unfortunately, the human drive to avoid pain is much stronger than the drive to seek positive reward.

Once we start something we feel obligated to continue…

Once we start something, we know there’s a chance we might fail…

Once we start something, we have fewer excuses for not finishing…

Once we start something, we know the process will suck – at least for a while.

Personally, I know that I can do anything I put my mind to, because I have ample evidence for that. I’ve done loads of hard things over the course of my 62 years:

• I gave up smoking;
• I’ve quit alcohol for extended periods of time;
•  I spent years living on a diet of raw vegetables and fruit;
• I’ve run marathons; and
• I routinely forced myself to do the most difficult things in leadership and business until they felt comfortable.

It’s fair to say I’ve proven to myself, again and again, that the mind-over-matter principle works. But still, despite all of that, I hesitate to start something that I know is going to suck – whether it’s doing my taxes, or going out to exercise when the windchill is -20.

So, let me help you get a start and then you can take it from there.

I’m going to address four key leadership disciplines, and give you a formula for making a start on each one:

• Speaking up in meetings;
• Making tough decisions;
• Having difficult conversations; and
• Loosening the control you exert over your people’s work.

In the next couple of pages, I’m going to open up some new doors that you can walk through immediately to improve your confidence and performance.

ASK ONE QUESTION

Let’s start with speaking up in meetings. If you were to randomly speak to 10 leaders, I reckon eight of them would tell you that they wish they’d had the confidence to speak up more in meetings. They’ll probably also tell you how much they hate it when the same people dominate the conversation time and time again – especially when, as they say in Texas, those people have a big hat and no cattle.

Group meetings are the place where you stamp your mark – especially meetings with people who are higher up in the food chain than you are.

I can’t count the number of leaders who’ve said to me over the years, “Marty, I wanted to say something but I couldn’t find the right opening”… or, “I didn’t think my contribution would be valued”… or, “I was afraid I might say something dumb.”

Fear of making a misstep keeps many leaders silent, but unless you take a risk, you won’t stand out. As hockey great, Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.”

If this is something you avoid, your goal is to take the first step.

Just… ask… one… question!

Let me help you with some tips for getting started. When you take that first brave step, you want to do it in a way that minimizes the risk of failure and reduces your fear.

Here’s four steps to move you to action on speaking up confidently:

1. Choose your meeting. Pick a meeting that you know will allow you to shine. It should have the right audience in terms of both the number and seniority of attendees. And make sure it’s a subject area that you are comfortable with.
2. Plan your comment. If there’s any pre-reading for the meeting, study it. Work out where you can make the biggest contribution and work out how to frame your question or comment.
3. Memorize your lead-in phrase. Try to find a non-confrontational way to lead into your comment. You want to put people at ease and make sure your comment doesn’t come across as jarring. I would often lead in with something like, “Look, I’m not sure if this is relevant, but one thing that occurred to me is ‘x’.” Then, you make your comment, hopefully blowing the whole room away with your insight.
4. Do it! Go to the meeting and raise your point, no matter what.

That should get you out of the starting blocks. Do it once and from there, it’s just a case of rinse and repeat.

MAKE ONE DECISION

The next discipline is making tough decisions. As you probably know, many leaders procrastinate on difficult decisions. You don’t want to make a bad decision, which is fair enough – you’re probably afraid it might damage your career prospects, so you’ll instinctively look for plausible deniability: you’ll try to spread the accountability for the decision across as many people (and as many levels) as you can. It’s a natural instinct.

This normally results in a suboptimal decision which has unintended consequences: you’ll probably consult really widely in an effort to achieve consensus; and you’ll try to get agreement from above, so that your risk of fallout is shared by your boss.

However, if you approach a decision in this way, it takes at least three times longer than it should, and it generally results in appeasement rather than performance.

If you avoid making the decisions you’re accountable for, your goal is to take the first step.

Just… make… one… decision!

Let me help you with some tips for getting started. Remember, when you take that first brave step, you want to do it in a way that minimizes the risk of failure and reduces your fear.

Here’s five steps to move you to action on your tough decisions:

1. Choose a decision to test this out on. It’s important to get this first step right, because this is what will give you the confidence to act. It has to be a decision that you’re accountable for, and that’s quite visible. But also low-risk in terms of its potential fallout.
2. Analyze the worst-case scenario. Ask yourself the question, “What if I get this wrong? What’s the worst that could happen?” Once you know this, it provides a certain level of comfort, strangely enough. The world won’t end if you don’t get it 100% right.
3. Consult two key people. I want you to limit yourself to asking two key experts with different perspectives what they think the best decision might be. Don’t ask your boss. Weigh in everything you have to help form your views.
4. Assess the cost of delay. Time is a premium, and delaying a decision has a cost to it. What do you lose when you procrastinate? If you focus on that cost, you are going to instinctively want to move faster.
5. Make the decision. Just make it!

This should get you out of the starting blocks. Then, you can build on this momentum to incorporate more difficult decisions… and higher profile decisions.. and decisions with potentially greater consequences.

HOLD ONE CONVERSATION

What about having difficult conversations? One of the most difficult things to overcome, for anyone, is conflict aversion.

We all like to be liked, and our primitive brain tells us that putting a relationship at risk presents an existential threat. But in leadership, conflict just comes with the territory. Our most popular podcast episode to this day is still Ep.1: Respect Before Popularity.

Most leaders will avoid difficult conversations, at least initially. But this is the path to great leadership. I’ve worked with CEOs of major companies who never managed to overcome their conflict aversion – and they hate leading. It doesn’t matter how much money they make: they hate it.

The place to work on conquering your conflict aversion is in the 1:1 conversations you have with your direct reports.

This is where you learn to step in, even though no one is forcing you to do so…

This is where you become more and more comfortable with facing potential conflict…

This is where you learn how to communicate assertively and empathetically….

If you have a tendency to avoid hard one-on-one conversations, your goal is to take the first step.

Just… hold… one… conversation!

Let me help you with some tips for getting started. Remember, when you take the first brave step, you want to do it in a way that minimizes the risk of failure and reduces your fear.

Here are the four steps to move you into action on a difficult conversation:

1. Choose the best person to have that conversation with. This is critical. It should be someone you have a pretty solid relationship with already, and a level of mutual trust. If you already have a good communication flow, you’ll be more at ease in the situation.
2. Identify one point of feedback that’s going to help them to improve. They might be a pretty decent performer, but no one’s perfect, so there will inevitably be something that you can help them with. If you think of this as an improvement opportunity, rather than offering criticism, it’s going to make all the difference to you.
3. Plan exactly how you’re going to give that feedback. Write it down. Rehearse it in front of a mirror if you have to. Prepare an example or two to illustrate your point. Think about any objections they might raise. Just do whatever it takes to prepare well, and feel as though you know what you’re doing going in.
4. Hold the meeting. You should be able to schedule it as part of your normal 1:1 meeting routine. Most importantly, once you get into the room, don’t let yourself leave until you’ve offered that one piece of feedback that you planned to give.

That should get you out of the starting blocks. Then, you can build on this momentum to incorporate more difficult conversations with people you are less familiar with, on topics that are more challenging.

Until you learn to overcome your fundamental fear of difficult conversations, you can’t possibly reach your potential as a leader. But once you do, you’ll see a clear path to leadership excellence.

LET GO OF ONE TASK

Let’s finish with loosening the control you exert over your people’s work. Most leaders have a tendency to keep a firm grip on the things they see as important. If you do this, you’re likely to become a micromanager, and you’ll constantly find yourself over-functioning for your people.

As you go up the levels in your company, it becomes more and more critical that you leave the detail to the people whom you’re paying to handle it. There are heaps of problems that arise when you try to maintain too tight a grip on the work that’s happening below you, for example:

• Your constant involvement in the detail tells people that you don’t trust them to do their jobs;
• Your people won’t stretch, because they know you’ll always come up with the solution or the decision they need;
• You people become weak and disengaged;
• Every minute you spend doing your team’s job is a minute you’re not spending doing your own job; and
• If your people can’t do their jobs, you’ll end up with a huge capability problem.

You have to either lift your people up.. or get them out! Otherwise, team performance suffers, sometimes with catastrophic consequences.

If you find yourself holding too tightly onto control, take the first step.

Just… let… go… of… one… task.

Let me help you with some tips for getting started. Remember, when you take that first brave step, you want to do it in a way that minimizes your risk of failure and reduces your fear.

Here’s four steps to help you let go of control on something that you find important:

1. Determine which area of work you tend to try to control really tightly. If you have a tendency to dip down or micromanage, there’s likely going to be one key area where you feel that exposure most. Be honest about the place where you’re most prone to stepping in. It’s probably an area you used to be an expert in, but now it’s something your team should be doing.
2. Run a prototype or pilot. Don’t go from 0 to 100. If you let go completely and all of a sudden, you’ve got no control at all. This can be a high-risk strategy, so start with a pilot approach. Identify the key person who is most competent in that area. Explain to them that you’re going to get out of their knitting, and then give them sole responsibility from that point on. Let them go, and just keep an eye on them to satisfy yourself that they’re not going to break anything.
3. Extend that pilot to other people. Once you’ve proven that your approach can work, give other team members the freedom to take personal accountability. This is where you’re going to finally see who can do their jobs and who can’t. Until you give your people accountability for delivery, you’re not even going to be able to see who’s who in the zoo. This is the stage at which you coach and guide each individual.
4. Trust but verify. Stand back… set clear expectations for results… inspect outputs… give people the feedback they need.

This should get you out of the starting blocks. Learning to let go of control, and to instead work with your people to help them to do their jobs to a high standard is the tip of the spear. Giving people clear accountability and supporting them to deliver is the number one weapon in unlocking team performance.

THIS IS THE TIP OF THE PERFORMANCE ICEBERG

I really hope these practical tools inspire you to move into action. Starting is often the hardest part, but if you just work on the tips I’ve given you in this newsletter, you’ll be able to make that start – and it will massively increase the likelihood that you’ll master the things that are currently holding you back.

Make sure you check out our website, Your CEO Mentor. We have loads of free resources that you can tap into.

And, when the time’s right for you, Leadership Beyond the Theory is our comprehensive program that gives you all the practical tools and strategies that you need to rapidly lift your leadership capability and confidence.