5 Tips to Deal with Upwards Bullying

Episode #345 5 Tips to Deal with Upwards Bullying

THE LANDSCAPE IS CHANGING

Work-related mental health issues are on the rise, and this increase seems to be fueled by an entitlement culture that’s beginning to hold many companies captive.

It affects virtually every company in every industry—leading is becoming more and more complicated, as the separation between our work and personal lives is almost impossible to distinguish.

Leading your team to higher performance is becoming more difficult too, and there’s no shortage of landmines to avoid while trying to bring positive change to your team.

We hear a lot about work-related anxiety, bullying, and harassment, and many well-intentioned leaders are being demonized as a result. But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? When a team member bullies their leader to try to force them to abandon their change agenda—or even to walk away from the team?

I begin the newsletter with a look at the root causes of the shift in power dynamics between companies and their employees; I look at upward bullying, and explore why it can be so insidious; and I give you five practical tips to deal with upward bullying, if you do find yourself in the crosshairs.

THE SHIFT THAT STARTED FOUR DECADES AGO

I think it’s worth understanding the root causes that have contributed to the significant increase in bullying and harassment claims in recent years.

There’s been a gradual but decisive shift in the balance of power in the workplace, and we can trace this shift way further back than the current symptomatic spike in the numbers might suggest.

I saw the first signs of this shift occurring about 40 years ago, although of course I didn’t realize it at the time. The shift began with the dismantling of the boundaries between work and home life. In those days, it was driven by the advancements in technology… and I had a front row seat!

In 1986, I was a software developer at the State Bank of New South Wales in Sydney. Part of my role was to provide out of hours support for the bank’s central financial systems, which were updated each night.

Computer processing power in those days was a tiny fraction of what it is today, so these huge mainframes would crunch away for hours to bring the bank’s systems up to date. If any problems were encountered, my pager would go off — I felt just like Stringer Bell on The Wire! – and I’d have to work out how to fix the problem and get the programs running again.

Most often, it was just a phone call to the operations centre to give them some instructions for restart. But occasionally, if the problem was tougher to diagnose, I’d have to jump in the car, go to the office and log into the systems to see what was going on.

As a way of making life easier for the support programmers, the bank trialled a revolutionary new software tool, which enabled us to connect remotely to the bank’s systems.

Now remember, this was 1986 – there was no Wi-Fi and no internet. We connected a desktop computer in our home to the phone socket in the wall, and dialed into the bank. “Clunky” doesn’t even begin to describe the experience, but it was good enough that, on several occasions, it saved me from getting out of bed and jumping in the car in the middle of the night… and that was incredibly valuable.

But of course, what started as an efficiency measure to make life easier rapidly evolved:

• The technology afforded greater mobility for corporate executives, who could  work remotely as they jet-setted around the globe;
• In 1999, the introduction of the BlackBerry made email easily accessible from anywhere;
• When the iPhone was first released in 2007, the boundaries between our work and home life were broken down even further; and
• In 2020, COVID was the final nail in the coffin for the boundaries between our work and personal lives, as working from home became ubiquitous.

Why is this relevant?

What started out as productivity measures to make our lives easier, started to break down the boundaries between work and home life – and the impacts have permeated in both directions.

We’ve all had situations where work has intruded on our personal lives; but now personal problems are routinely put on display in the work environment.

I think this is what the pundits call “bringing your whole self to work”.

MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ABOUND

Bringing personal issues into the workplace has greatly increased the complexity of leading people, and it’s fair to say that we are still very much feeling our way.

On the positive side, we’ve extended the community aspect of our work relationships to provide support for subjects that were traditionally considered taboo. Things like mental health; youth suicide; and domestic violence.

But, as is often the case with any new well-meaning development, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.

The workplace has now become the theatre where all sorts of non-work-related issues play out.

For example, the lack of power and control that someone might feel in their primary relationship is sometimes projected onto their manager. I’ve seen many grievances lodged against leaders who’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.

But social justice is much more easily achieved in a heavily regulated environment (like the workplace) than it is at home, and this subtly encourages us to conflate our personal issues with any workplace challenges that we might be having.

The last decade has seen an increase in our awareness of mental health issues, which is fantastic, and we’ve seen a huge increase in mental health diagnoses in recent years as a result.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics:

• 43% of Australians will experience a mental health disorder at some point in their lives;
• Over one in five adults have experienced a mental health disorder in the last year; and
• The rate in 16 to 24 year olds is almost twice as much, at 39%.

Anxiety disorders are the most common, and they’ve now been totally normalized in the workplace. But it sits in a grey area that’s becoming highly problematic. Is the anxiety caused by work, or is work just another place where an individual’s inherent anxiety is triggered, the same way it would be if they were, say, running late for an appointment?

A worrying fact was reported recently in a newspaper article about the explosion in workers’ compensation claims in New South Wales for stress, bullying and burnout. These claims are costing taxpayers billions of dollars, making the workers’ compensation insurance system completely unsustainable.

Psychological injuries now make up 37% of the total value of workplace injury claims. The number of these types of claims has doubled in the last six years and, interestingly, the vast majority of psychological injury claims are made immediately after the individual is subject to some form of performance management.

Whilst there are no doubt many genuine cases of anxiety, I suspect that very few are the direct result of a workplace event, or the actions of a leader. And it does seem to be a convenient way out for someone who doesn’t want to do the job that they’re being paid to do

WHAT ELSE IS BEHIND THE BULLYING CULTURE?

Considering I was just going to take a few moments to talk about the drivers of the increase in workplace bullying claims, I seem to be on a bit of a roll.

I’ve spoken about the technology changes that broke down the boundaries between our work and personal lives; and we’ve just looked at the increasing incidence of mental health reporting. There are three other trends that I think are worth mentioning, just briefly.

The first is the modern leadership wisdom that says leaders should focus on keeping their people happy. This is some A-grade bullsh!t. More than anything else, the happy-workers-are-productive-workers myth is a convenient rationalization used by weak leaders to justify their approach.

It means they don’t have to demand anything from their people. This has created a much greater sense of entitlement in the workforce, as people become more and more used to seeing their managers bend over backwards so as to not upset them.

The second factor is the change in composition of the workforce. It’s easy to succumb to rash generalizations here, but I think it’s pretty clear that the younger generations think differently and have different priorities. This isn’t necessarily good or bad, but it’s certainly different.

For example, my parents were raised through the Second World War, which left a deep impression on their collective psyche. Until the COVID pandemic, Gen Z and Gen Alpha had only ever experienced uninterrupted prosperity, and they’d been largely coddled and pandered to both at school and at home.

It’s not their fault that their base level of resilience is radically different to the people who might find themselves at the back end of their careers right now.

And thirdly, the burden of proof in any workplace dispute has shifted. This is especially the case in countries that have highly socialist employment laws. Although I often pick on New Zealand and France, the Scandinavian countries are right up there, as are Germany, Belgium, and Canada.

In many organizations, if a person alleges bullying and harassment against their manager, they are afforded enormous protection (as they should be).

But it’s the manager who has to prove their innocence, rather than the individual proving the case against the manager.

This further inhibits managers from asking their people to do their job to the required standard. I’ve seen many bullying claims, particularly in unionized companies where the protagonists know how to play the company policies, and use them as a cudgel to keep well-meaning leaders at bay.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I’ve heard myself saying the words, “Mate, your boss isn’t bullying you just because he’s asking you to do the job that you’re being paid to do.”

UPWARD BULLYING IS INSIDIOUS

All right, let’s get into the meat and potatoes. Bullying goes in both directions.

Claims for workplace bullying in Australia have risen substantially in the last several years. According to Safe Work Australia, between 2018 and 2022, workers’ compensation claims for workplace bullying rose by 56%.

It’s important to note that bullying is in the eye of the beholder. If someone claims they’ve been bullied, then that is their reality and it’s generally dealt with using the full force of the law.

An objective assessment of bullying may eventually be applied in an investigation (if it actually gets that far), but the damage is often already done. And many HR departments would rather appease the individual and sweep it under the carpet, than address the issue head-on.

The threat of some sort of action from an employee can be a form of upward bullying, and these days it’s not even particularly well disguised:

• “Don’t tell me what to do, or I’ll lodge a bullying claim”;
• “Don’t tell me what to do, or I’ll go off on stress leave“; or (my favorite)
• “You can’t ask me to work on Mondays because I’m emotionally vulnerable after a weekend.”

Seriously… kill me now.

For me, upward bullying is simply when someone in a subordinate role (that’s the upward part), targets a manager or a leader with behavior that undermines or intimidates them — and it’s often quite covert.

The bullying is often done in a passive-aggressive way. It’s not public – it happens behind the scenes, with rumors and white-handing that are designed to weaken the leader’s authority.

But it is real… and it’s been going on for years!

Why don’t leaders just stamp out the behavior before it becomes an issue? Let’s face it, they’re the ones in the position of power. Well, it’s not quite that simple, as many of you have already found out.

For a start, sometimes it’s hard to cite specific examples:

• It can be the tone of voice a bully uses in a meeting;
• It can be the subtle roll of the eyes or the negative body language;
• It can be an intentional lack of cooperation, dressed up as ignorance and then blamed on you for not being clear about what you wanted;
• It can be a failure to meet targets, which is then blamed on you for not providing adequate support;
• It’s often just the classic gaslighting behavior that can be really hard to pinpoint.

The second reason why it’s not so simple is that it’s often hard to admit that there’s a problem. This happens particularly with new leaders, or younger leaders who have older, more battle-hardened workers in their team.

As a new leader in particular, you want to be liked… you want to show that you can do your job… and you want to be there for your team. So it can take quite a while to even recognize the upward bullying, much less respond to it effectively.

The third reason upward bullying can be so complex is that sometimes, when a leader seeks advice from HR, they’re encouraged to “let it slide”.

Many companies take a very risk-averse approach to HR complaints, and they’d rather pacify the individual and cover it up than send a strong message about what is and isn’t acceptable in the culture. 

All these things can make you feel quite alone, if you’re being bullied from below. In the worst cases, the bullying spills outside of the workplace.

I’ve seen strong leaders in small communities – decent people – being victimized by a workforce that’s determined to resist the positive change:

• Their car is vandalized frequently;
• Their wife is excluded from the community and social circles;
• Abuse is hurled at the family when they do the grocery shopping on the weekends at the local supermarket;
• The kids are bullied at school; and
• In the worst cases, I’ve known leaders who’ve had to move house several times out of fear for their family’s safety.

All because a decent, strong leader wants to break through the low-performance culture. The status quo defenders are going to resist any change vigorously, and the company is often too weak to stand on its supposed principles.

FIVE TIPS FOR DEALING WITH UPWARD BULLYING

The best advice I ever got for dealing with bullies is this. “If someone bullies you, don’t walk away. Look them in the eye and punch them in the nose as hard as you can.”

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

If you don’t do this, they’re going to become emboldened over time and their bullying behavior gets more persistent and increasingly intense.

If you stand up decisively to a bully, they’ll usually back down. Here are my five hot tips if you are dealing with upward bullying:

1. Nip it in the bud.

Upward bullying tends to ratchet up over time. As soon as you get the slightest inkling that someone might be exhibiting bullying tendencies, you need to call them out in a one-on-one meeting. Nothing heavy, just a shot over the bow to clarify your expectations.

Drawing a line in the sand early is incredibly valuable. I would typically say something like this: “Look, I could be wrong, but I’m getting the sense that you are not on board with the way I’m running the team. I’ve noticed you undermining me, and I want to let you know that it’s not going to cut it. If you’re not on board, well, let’s have a chat about that and see how we can resolve your issues. Otherwise, you and I are going to have a problem.”

2. Document everything.

You need to write everything down. From that very first corrective conversation, make sure you’re taking notes. Nothing too heavy, just the date, time, and a couple of bullet points about each conversation. You’ll find this invaluable later if things do blow up. You want to be able to demonstrate an established pattern of bullying behavior.

Many small things add up over time, but bullying is bullying no matter how you spin it. If you don’t take notes, you’re going to struggle to prove your case later on.

3. Don’t let a bully use their mental health as an excuse for bad behavior.

I’ve had many leaders tell me that in the last few years their people have become more and more brazen. They’ll now say things straight out just like, “If I don’t get my way, I’m going to play the mental health card and go out on stress leave.” We produced an episode that you’ll find incredibly useful for dealing with these cases (Ep. 185: The Mental Health Minefield)

Sure, you need to be compassionate towards people with mental health challenges – but not at the expense of the rest of the team. Why would you let your good people suffer in a mediocre team just because one individual decides that they’re going to take the p!ss?

4. Inform HR of your actions, but don’t ask them for permission to act.

HR is often very conservative when it comes to this sort of policy. They’d rather just quiet things down and avoid any noise. Certainly, they want to avoid legal disputes, or a flurry of cases brought before the Fair Work Commission, as they are in Australia.

But remember, if the bullying is taking place and you follow a clear process, you’re going to be in a very strong legal position, no matter what! It’s important that you confidently choose the action that best promotes the culture you want, and then ask HR for a risk assessment.

Don’t let HR dictate how you should handle the issue. That’s like the tail wagging the dog.

Now, for all you HR leaders out there, I get it – you’ve probably experienced hundreds of inept leaders who create problems with their poor leadership skill, they don’t follow the agreed process, and then they dump the eventual problem in your lap.

But on this podcast, I’m talking to No Bullsh!t Leaders – HR is a source of high value expertise, not a last resort when you can’t handle your difficult people issues, or someone you just call in to do a Harvey Keitel-style clean up.

5. Enlist the help of the team.

In cases where one bad egg is resisting change and bullying the leader, it’s rare that the whole team is on board with that person. In classic change management style, you need to build a coalition of the willing. Make sure that the bully feels ostracized and unsupported by their peers. Bullies rely on the silent majority remaining silent, but if you can create the right team culture, the bully is going to feel isolated and they will lose all their power.

BUILDING A BULLY-FREE TEAM!

Bullying is on the rise, as the power dynamics in the workforce evolve. If you do find yourself on the receiving end, it’s really important to realize some cold, hard facts: It won’t blow over… the bully won’t come around over time… and they won’t rest until you are gone. Why? Because they want a leader who’s weaker and more compliant.

Every individual you lead deserves the benefit of the doubt, but your fuse should probably be a lot shorter for a bully than it actually is. So, do everything in your power to remove them quickly, or you are most certainly going to live to regret it.